More Mark Twain Quotes

1. A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella wh ...
   
2. A classic is a book which people praise and don't ...
   
3. A classic is something that everybody wants to hav ...
   
4. A house without a cat, and a well-fed, well-petted ...
   
5. A human being has a natural desire to have more of ...
   
6. A lie can travel half way around the world while t ...
   
7. A man cannot be comfortable without his own approv ...
   
8. A man is accepted into church for what he believes ...
   
9. A man never reaches that dizzy height of wisdom th ...
   
10. A man who carries a cat by the tail learns somethi ...
    
11. A man with a new idea is a crank -- until the idea ...
    
12. A patriot is mocked, scorned and hated; yet when h ...
    
13. A verb has a hard enough time of it in this world ...
    
14. Adam and Eve had many advantages, but the principa ...
    
15. After all these years I see that I was mistaken ab ...
    
16. Against the assault of laughter, nothing can stand ...
    
17. Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't ...
    
18. All say, "How hard it is that we have to die"--a s ...
    
19. All schools, all colleges have two great functions ...
    
20. All you need in this life is ignorance and confide ...
    
21. Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those ...
    
22. Always do right - this will gratify some and aston ...
    
23. An enemy can partly ruin a man, but it takes a goo ...
    
24. An Englishman is a person who does things because ...
    
25. Are you so unobservant that you do not yet realize ...
    
26. At the beginning of a great national change, the p ...
    
27. Barring that natural expression of villainy which ...
    
28. Be careful about reading health books. You may die ...
    
29. Be good and you will be lonesome. ...
    
30. Behold, the fool saith, Put not all thine eggs in ...
    
31. Buy land. They've stopped making it. ...
    
32. By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity. ...
    
33. Carlyle said, "A lie cannot live"; it shows he did ...
    
34. Cauliflower is nothing but Cabbage with a College ...
    
35. Civilization is a limitless multiplication of unne ...
    
36. Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or ...
    
37. Cold If the thermometer had been an inch longer we ...
    
38. Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - n ...
    
39. Denial ain't just a river in Egypt. ...
    
40. Describing her first day back in grade school afte ...
    
41. Do something every day that you don't want to do t ...
    
42. Do the thing you fear most and the death of fear i ...
    
43. Don't go around saying the world owes you a living ...
    
44. Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone ...
    
45. Drag your thoughts away from your troubles.. by th ...
    
46. Education consists mainly in what we have unlearne ...
    
47. Education: that which reveals to the wise, and con ...
    
48. Eloquence is the essential thing in a speech, not ...
    
49. Everything has its limit--iron ore cannot be educa ...
    
50. Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of ...
    
51. Facts are stubborn things, but statistics are more ...
    
52. Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliabl ...
    
53. Fame is a vapor; popularity an accident; the only ...
    
54. Familiarity breeds contempt - and children. ...
    
55. Few sinners are saved after the fiirst twenty minu ...
    
56. Few things are harder to put up with than a good e ...
    
57. Few things are harder to put up with than the anno ...
    
58. Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Trut ...
    
59. Fleas can be taught nearly anything a congressman ...
    
60. For example, in Year 1 that useless letter "c" wou ...
    
61. Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds ...
    
62. Friendship is the marriage of the soul, and this m ...
    
63. George Washington as a boy was ignorant of the com ...
    
64. Get the facts first. You can distort them later. ...
    
65. Giving up smoking is easy...I've done it hundreds ...
    
66. Go and surprise the whole country by doing somethi ...
    
67. God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made ...
    
68. Golf is a good walk spoiled. ...
    
69. Good breeding consists of concealing how much we t ...
    
70. Great people are those who make others feel that t ...
    
71. Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full ...
    
72. Habit is habit and not to be flung out of the wind ...
    
73. He had discovered a great law of human action, wit ...
    
74. He would come in and say he changed his mind -- wh ...
    
75. Heaven goes by favour. If it went by merit, you wo ...
    
76. His ignorance covered the whole earth like a blank ...
    
77. Honesty is the best policy -- when there is money ...
    
78. How come we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a fun ...
    
79. How little a thing can make us happy when we feel ...
    
80. Humor is mankind's greatest blessing. ...
    
81. Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The mi ...
    
82. I admire the serene assurance of those who have re ...
    
83. I am an old man and have a great many troubles, Bu ...
    
84. I am not one of those who in expressing opinions c ...
    
85. I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dang ...
    
86. I am prepared to meet anyone, but whether anyone i ...
    
87. I can live two months on a good compliment. ...
    
88. I cannot call to mind a single instance where I ha ...
    
89. I cannot keep from talking, even at the risk of be ...
    
90. I did it partly because it was worth it, but mostl ...
    
91. I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice let ...
    
92. I don't give a damn for a man that can only spell ...
    
93. I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hel ...
    
94. I find that the further I go back, the better thin ...
    
95. I have a prejudice against people who print things ...
    
96. I have never examined the subject of humor until n ...
    
97. I have never let my schooling interfere with my ed ...
    
98. I have never taken any exercise except sleeping an ...
    
99. I have spent most of my time worrying about thigs ...
    
100. I have witnessed and greatly enjoyed the first act ...
     
101. I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it take ...
     
102. I never could tell a lie that anybody would doubt, ...
     
103. I never write Metropolis for seven cents because I ...
     
104. I smoke in moderation, only one cigar at a time. ...
     
105. I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should ...
     
106. I was born modest. Not all over, but in spots. ...
     
107. I was gratified to be able to answer promptly. I s ...
     
108. I've come loaded with statistics, for I've noticed ...
     
109. If a person offend you and you are in doubt as to ...
     
110. If Christ were here now there is one thing he woul ...
     
111. If the desire to kill and the opportunity to kill ...
     
112. If we had less statemanship we could get along wit ...
     
113. If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosper ...
     
114. If you take a dog which is starving and feed him a ...
     
115. If you tell the truth you don't have to remember a ...
     
116. Imagination is always the fabric of social life an ...
     
117. In certain trying circumstances, urgent circumstan ...
     
118. In Marseilles they make half the toilet soap we co ...
     
119. In our country we have those three unspeakably pre ...
     
120. In Paris they simply stared when I spoke to them i ...
     
121. In religion and politics people's beliefs and conv ...
     
122. In the first place God made idiots; that was for p ...
     
123. Irreverence is the champion of liberty and its one ...
     
124. It could probably be shown by facts and figures th ...
     
125. It has always been my rule never to smoke when asl ...
     
126. It is better to deserve honors and not have them t ...
     
127. It is better to keep your mouth closed and let peo ...
     
128. It is by the goodness of God that in our country w ...
     
129. It is curious that physical courage should be so c ...
     
130. It is discouraging to try and penetrate a mind lik ...
     
131. It is easier to stay out than get out. ...
     
132. It is noble to teach oneself, but still nobler to ...
     
133. It is the difference of opinion that makes horse r ...
     
134. It takes your enemy and your friend, working toget ...
     
135. It usually takes me more than three weeks to prepa ...
     
136. It was enough to make a body ashamed of the human ...
     
137. It was wonderful to find America, but it would hav ...
     
138. It were not best that we should all think alike it ...
     
139. It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf b ...
     
140. It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want ...
     
141. It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's th ...
     
142. July 4. Statistics show that we lose more fools on ...
     
143. Just the omission of Jane Austen's books alone wou ...
     
144. Keep away from people who try to belittle your amb ...
     
145. Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear, an ...
     
146. Language is a city to the building of which every ...
     
147. Last week I stated that this woman was the ugliest ...
     
148. Laws are sand, customs are rock. Laws can be evade ...
     
149. Let us be thankful for fools. But for them the res ...
     
150. Let us endeavor so to live that when we come to di ...
     
151. Let us not be too particular; it is better to have ...
     
152. Lord save us all from old age and broken health an ...
     
153. Love seems the swiftest, but it is the slowest of ...
     
154. Loyalty to petrified opinion never yet broke a cha ...
     
155. Man - a figment of God's imagination. ...
     
156. Man is the only animal that blushes -- or needs to ...
     
157. Man will do many things to get himself loved he wi ...
     
158. Many a small thing has been made large by the righ ...
     
159. Most people are bothered by those passages of Scri ...
     
160. My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but ...
     
161. Necessity is the mother of taking chances. ...
     
162. Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the d ...
     
163. Never tell the truth to those unworthy of it.... ...
     
164. Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habit ...
     
165. October is one of the peculiarly dangerous months ...
     
166. Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the mo ...
     
167. Of the delights of this world, man cares most for ...
     
168. Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party ...
     
169. Often, the surest way to convey misinformation is ...
     
170. On his deathbed Death, the only immortal who treat ...
     
171. Once you've put one of his books down, you simply ...
     
172. One of the most striking differences between a cat ...
     
173. Our opinions do not really blossom into fruition u ...
     
174. Part of the secret of success in life is to eat wh ...
     
175. Pessimism is only the name that men of weak nerve ...
     
176. Principles have no real force except when one is w ...
     
177. Providence protects children and idiots. I know be ...
     
178. Quitting smoking is easy, I've done it hundreds of ...
     
179. Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you ...
     
180. Religion consists of a set of things which the ave ...
     
181. Sacred cows make the best hamburger. ...
     
182. Sane and intelligent human beings are like all oth ...
     
183. So far as I am able to judge, nothing has been lef ...
     
184. Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre ...
     
185. Some men worship rank, some worship heroes, some w ...
     
186. Some people get an eduction without going to colle ...
     
187. Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run ...
     
188. Sometimes too much to drink is barely enough. ...
     
189. Somewhere between the Angels and the French lies t ...
     
190. Statistics show that we lose more fools on this da ...
     
191. Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a m ...
     
192. The best coffee in Europe is Vienna coffee, compar ...
     
193. The best cure for Christianity is reading the Bibl ...
     
194. The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to che ...
     
195. The billiard table is better than the doctor. ...
     
196. The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in Sa ...
     
197. The difference between the right word and almost t ...
     
198. The fact that man knows right from wrong proves hi ...
     
199. The first of April is the day we remember what we ...
     
200. The history of our race, and each individual's exp ...
     
201. The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet and ...
     
202. The human race has one really effective weapon, an ...
     
203. The idea that no gentleman ever swears is all wron ...
     
204. The man who does not read good books has no advant ...
     
205. The man who is a pessimist before 48 knows too muc ...
     
206. The miracle, or the power, that elevates the few i ...
     
207. The proper office of a friend is to side with you ...
     
208. The radical invents the views. When he has worn th ...
     
209. The radical of one century is the conservative of ...
     
210. The report of my death was an exaggeration. (New Y ...
     
211. The right word may be effective, but no word was e ...
     
212. The rule is perfect in all matters of opinion our ...
     
213. The secret source of humour itself is not joy, but ...
     
214. The trouble isn't that there are too many fools, b ...
     
215. The universal brotherhood of man is our most preci ...
     
216. The very ink with which history is written is mere ...
     
217. The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with ...
     
218. There are lies, damned lies, and statistics. ...
     
219. There are people who strictly deprive themselves o ...
     
220. There are several good protections against temptat ...
     
221. There are some books that refuse to be written. Th ...
     
222. There are times when one would like to hang the wh ...
     
223. There are two times in a man's life when he should ...
     
224. There is no distinctly native American criminal cl ...
     
225. There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist. ...
     
226. There is no such thing as the Queen's English. The ...
     
227. There is nothing so annoying as to have two people ...
     
228. There is nothing training cannot do. Nothing is ab ...
     
229. There is something fascinating about science. One ...
     
230. There ought to be a room in every house to swear i ...
     
231. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what ...
     
232. Those that respect the law and love sausage should ...
     
233. Those who say truth is stranger than fiction have ...
     
234. Thousands of geniuses live and die undiscovered - ...
     
235. Time cools, time clarifies no mood can be maintain ...
     
236. To be good is noble, but to teach others how to be ...
     
237. To cease smoking is the easiset thing I ever did. ...
     
238. Tomorrow night I appear for the first time before ...
     
239. Training is everything. The peach was once a bitte ...
     
240. Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow- ...
     
241. Truth is more of a stranger than fiction. ...
     
242. Twenty years from now you will be more disappointe ...
     
243. Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a ...
     
244. Virtue has never been as respectable as money. ...
     
245. Wagner's music is better than it sounds. ...
     
246. Water, taken in moderation, cannot hurt anybody. ...
     
247. We all have thoughts that would shame the devil. ...
     
248. We all live in the protection of certain cowardice ...
     
249. We are always more anxious to be distinguished for ...
     
250. We are always too busy for our children; we never ...
     
251. We are called the nation of inventors. And we are. ...
     
252. We are chameleons, and our partialities and prejud ...
     
253. We consider that any man who can fiddle all throug ...
     
254. We had the sky up there, and we used to lay on our ...
     
255. We have a criminal jury system which is superior t ...
     
256. We owe a deep debt of gratitude to Adam, the first ...
     
257. We should be careful to get out of an experience o ...
     
258. What a good thing Adam had. When he said a good th ...
     
259. What counts is not necessarily the size of the dog ...
     
260. When a person cannot deceive himself the chances a ...
     
261. When angry count four; when very angry, swear. ...
     
262. When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ign ...
     
263. When I was a child people simply looked about them ...
     
264. When I was younger, I could remember anything, whe ...
     
265. When in doubt, tell the truth. ...
     
266. When one has tasted watermelon he knows what the a ...
     
267. When people do not respect us we are sharply offen ...
     
268. When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries dis ...
     
269. When you cannot get a compliment any other way, pa ...
     
270. Whenever the literary German dives into a sentence ...
     
271. Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majo ...
     
272. Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at ...
     
273. Why shoudn't truth be stranger than fiction Fictio ...
     
274. Work and play are words used to describe the same ...
     
275. Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do. ...
     
276. Work is a necessary evil to be avoided. ...
     
277. Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have ...
     
278. You can tell German wine from vinegar by the label ...
     
279. You can't depend on your eyes when your imaginatio ...
     
280. Youth, large, lusty, loving- Youth, full of grace, ...
     
281. [He was] a solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old ic ...
     
282. [Humanity] has unquestionably one really effective ...
     
283. [Mankind] is governed by minorities, seldom or nev ...