More Groucho Marx Quotes

1. A child of five would understand this. Send someon ...
   
2. A woman can smell mink through six inches of lead. ...
   
3. Afraid? Me? A man who's licked his weight in wild ...
   
4. Africa is God's country, and He can have it. (Anim ...
   
5. Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Any ...
   
6. Anyone who says he can see through women is missin ...
   
7. Chicolini here may talk like an idiot and look lik ...
   
8. Clear? Huh! Why a 4-year-old child could understan ...
   
9. Don't look now, but there's one man too many in th ...
   
10. Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped. ...
    
11. Every time I get romantic with you, you want to ta ...
    
12. From the moment I picked your book up until I laid ...
    
13. Go, and never darken my towels again. ...
    
14. Humor is reason gone mad. ...
    
15. I aughta join a club and beat you over the head wi ...
    
16. I do not care to belong to a club that accepts peo ...
    
17. I find television very educating. Every time someb ...
    
18. I have nothing but confidence in you. And very lit ...
    
19. I like my cigar, but I take it out of my mouth onc ...
    
20. I married your mother because I wanted children. I ...
    
21. I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be gl ...
    
22. I refuse to join any club that would have me as a ...
    
23. I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY R ...
    
24. I was married by a judge. I should have asked for ...
    
25. I worked myself up from nothing to a state of extr ...
    
26. I'd have thrashed him to within an inch of his lif ...
    
27. I've got a good mind to join a club and beat you o ...
    
28. I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this w ...
    
29. If i cannot smoke in heaven, then i shall not go. ...
    
30. In America you can go on the air and kid the polit ...
    
31. It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas Cit ...
    
32. Let there be dancing in the streets, drinking in t ...
    
33. Love goes out the door when money comes innuendo. ...
    
34. Maybe you can suggest something. As a matter of fa ...
    
35. Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms. ...
    
36. Military justice is to justice what military music ...
    
37. Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Sin ...
    
38. My boy, get in there and play like you did in the ...
    
39. My mother loved children -- she would have given a ...
    
40. No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his ...
    
41. No, no, I'd rather not. I have an agreement with t ...
    
42. Oh, I know it's a penny here and a penny there, bu ...
    
43. One morning, I shot an elephant in my pyjamas. How ...
    
44. One woman and one man was good enough for your gra ...
    
45. Outside of a dog, a book is your best friend, and ...
    
46. Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse ...
    
47. Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriag ...
    
48. Say! You cover a lot of ground yourself. You'd bet ...
    
49. She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic ...
    
50. The husband who wants a happy marriage should lear ...
    
51. There were three things that Chico was always on—a ...
    
52. This bear was six foot seven in his stocking feet ...
    
53. Those are my principles, and if you don't like the ...
    
54. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banan ...
    
55. Two thousand dollars for ice? I can get an Eskimo ...
    
56. We took some pictures of the native girls, but the ...
    
57. We've got to speed things up in this hotel. Chef, ...
    
58. When I invite a woman to dinner, I expect her to l ...
    
59. Why don't you bore a hole in yourself and let the ...
    
60. Why should I do anything for posterity? What has p ...
    
61. Women should be obscene and not heard. ...
    
62. You are only as old as the woman you feel. ...
    
63. You can leave in a taxi. If you can't get a taxi, ...
    
64. You know, you haven't stopped talking since I came ...
    
65. You're willing to pay him a thousand dollars a nig ...
    
66. You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I ...