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1) Numbers are tools, not rules.
2) Numbers are symbols for things; the number and the thing are not the same.
3) Skill in manipulating numbers is a talent, not evidence of divine guidance.
4) Like other occult techniques of divination, the statistical method has a private jargon deliberately contrived to obscure its methods from nonpractitioners.
5) The product of an arithmetical computation is the answer to an equation; it is not the solution to a problem.
6) Arithmetical proofs of theorems that do not have arithmetical bases prove nothing.
- Ashley-Perry Statistical Axioms
More quotations on: [ Murphy's Laws ] [ Math ] [ Statistics ] ***
1) The one piece that the plant forgot to ship is the one that supports 75% of the balance of the shipment. Corollary: Not only did the plant forget to ship it, 50% of the time they haven't even made it.
2) Truck deliveries that normally take one day will take five when you are waiting for the truck.
3) After adding two weeks to the schedule for unexpected delays, add two more for the unexpected, unexpected delays.
4) In any structure, pick out the one piece that should not be mismarked and expect the plant to cross you up.
Corollaries:
1) In any group of pieces with the same erection mark on it, one should not have that mark on it.
2) It will not be discovered until you try to put it where the mark says it's supposed to go.
3) Never argue with the fabricating plant about an error. The inspection prints are all checked off, even to the holes that aren't there.
- Laws of Applied Confusion
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2 is not equal to 3 - not even for very large values of 2.
- Grabel's Law
More quotations on: [ Murphy's Laws ] [ Math ] ***
80% of the final exam will be based on the one lecture you missed and the one book you didn't read.
- Third Law of Applied Terror
More quotations on: [ School ] [ Murphy's Laws ] [ College ] ***
A few months in the laboratory can save a few hours in the library.
- Westheimer's Law
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A little ignorance can go a long way.
- Gerrold's Law
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A man with a watch knows what time it is. A man with two watches is never sure.
- Segal's Law
More quotations on: [ Murphy's Laws ] [ Time ] ***
A memorandum is written not to inform the reader but to protect the writer.
- Acheson's Rule of the Bureaucracy
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Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.
- Laws of Computer Programming, X
More quotations on: [ Computer ] [ Murphy's Laws ] ***
After an access cover has been secured by 16 hold-down screws, it will be discovered that the gasket has been omitted.
- de la Lastra's Corollary
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After painstaking and careful analysis of a sample, you are always told that it is the wrong sample and doesn't apply to the problem.
- Fyfe's Fourth Law of Revision
More quotations on: [ Murphy's Laws ] [ Problem ] ***
After the last of 16 mounting screws has been removed from an access cover, it will be discovered that the wrong access cover has been removed.
- de la Lastra's Law
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Almost anything is easier to get into than out of.
- Allen's Law
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An object at rest will be in the wrong place.
- Gerrold's Second Law of Infernal Dynamics
More quotations on: [ Science ] [ Murphy's Laws ] ***
An object in motion will be heading in the wrong direction.
- Gerrold's First Law of Infernal Dynamics
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An object will fall so as to do the most damage.
- Selective Gravity Law
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An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
- Van Roy's Law
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Any given program costs more and takes longer.
- Laws of Computer Programming, II
More quotations on: [ Computer ] [ Murphy's Laws ] ***
Any given program, when running, is obsolete.
- Laws of Computer Programming, I
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Any non-trivial program contains at least one bug.
- Laws of Computer Programming, VIII
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Any order that can be misunderstood has been misunderstood.
- Army Axiom
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Any product cut to length will be too short.
- Klipstein's Observation
More quotations on: [ Murphy's Laws ] [ Technology ] ***
Any program will expand to fill available memory.
- Laws of Computer Programming, V
More quotations on: [ Computer ] [ Murphy's Laws ] ***
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
- Clarke's Third Law
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Any tool when dropped, will roll into the least accessible corner of the workshop.
- Anthony's Law of the Workshop
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Anybody can win -- unless there happens to be a second entry.
- Ade's Law
More quotations on: [ Murphy's Laws ] [ Winning ] ***
Anything can be made to work if you fiddle with it long enough.
- Wyszkowski's Second Law
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Assumption is the mother of all screw-ups.
- Wethern's Law
More quotations on: [ Murphy's Laws ] [ Mistake ] ***
Celibacy is not hereditary.
- First Law of Socio-Genetics
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Chicken Little only has to be right once.
- Firestone's Law of Forecasting
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Complex problems have simple, easy to understand wrong answers.
- Grossman's Law
More quotations on: [ Murphy's Laws ] [ Problem ] ***
Design flaws travel in groups.
- Fifth Law of Design
More quotations on: [ Murphy's Laws ] [ Mistake ] ***
Don't be conspicuous. In the combat zone, it draws fire. Out of the combat zone, it draws sergeants.
- Murphy's Seventh Military Law
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Don't force it; get a larger hammer.
- Anthony's Law of Force
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Enough research will tend to support your theory.
- Murphy's Law of Research
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Every instructor assumes that you have nothing else to do except study for that instructor's course.
- Fourth Law of Applied Terror
More quotations on: [ School ] [ Murphy's Laws ] [ College ] ***
Everything costs more and takes longer.
- Pournelle's Law of Costs and Schedules
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Everything goes wrong all at once.
- Murphy's Restatement
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Everything goes wrong all at once.
- Quantized Revision of Murphy's Law
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For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.
- Main's Law
More quotations on: [ Murphy's Laws ] [ Government ] ***
Friendly fire isn't.
- Murphy's Second Military Law
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Government expands to absorb revenue and then some.
- Wiker's Law
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Hot glass looks the same as cold glass.
- Dominic Cirino's Law of Burnt Fingers
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I have yet to see any problem, however complicated, which, when you looked at it in the right way, did not become still more complicated.
- Anderson's Law
More quotations on: [ Murphy's Laws ] [ Problem ] ***
If a computer cable has one end, then it has another.
- Lyall's Conjecture
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If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.
- Laws of Computer Programming, III
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If a program is useless, it will have to be documented.
- Laws of Computer Programming, IV
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If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.
- Finagle's First Law
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If anything can go wrong, it will.
- Murphy's Law
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If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you have tried.
- Rule of Failure
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If at first you don't succeed, read the manual.
- Montgomery's Maxim
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If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.
- Weinberg's Second Law
More quotations on: [ Computer ] [ Murphy's Laws ] ***
If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
- Lowery's Law
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If it does exist, it's out of date.
- Arnold's Second Law of Documentation
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If it moves, salute it; if it doesn't move, pick it up; if you can't pick it up, paint it.
- Army Law
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If it should exist, it doesn't.
- Arnold's First Law of Documentation
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If nobody uses it, there's a reason.
- Rule of Reason
More quotations on: [ Murphy's Laws ] [ Reason ] ***
If the facts do not conform to the theory, they must be disposed of.
- Maier's Law
More quotations on: [ Murphy's Laws ] [ Fact ] ***
If the shoe fits, it's ugly.
- Gold's Law
More quotations on: [ Murphy's Laws ] [ Fashion ] ***
If there are two or more ways to do something, and one of those ways can result in a catastrophe, then someone will do it.
- Murphy's Original Law
More quotations on: [ Murphy's Laws ] ***
If you are given a take-home exam, you will forget where you live.
- Corollary to the Fifth Law of Applied Terror
More quotations on: [ School ] [ Murphy's Laws ] [ College ] ***
If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book.
- Fifth Law of Applied Terror
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If you can't learn to do it well, you should learn to enjoy doing it badly.
- Ashleigh's First Law
More quotations on: [ Murphy's Laws ] [ Learning ] ***
If you change lines, the one you just left will start to move faster than the one you are now in.
- O'Brian's Law
More quotations on: [ Murphy's Laws ] [ Shopping ] ***
If you did manage to get any good shots, they will be ruined when someone inadvertently opens the darkroom door and all of the dark leaks out.
- The Third Law of Photography
More quotations on: [ Murphy's Laws ] ***
If you have to ask, you're not entitled to know.
If you don't like the answer, you shouldn't have asked the question.
- Abbott's Admonitions
More quotations on: [ Knowledge ] ***
If you knew what you were doing, you'd probably be bored.
- Fresco's Law
More quotations on: [ Murphy's Laws ] [ Boredom ] ***
If you need four screws for the job, the first three are easy to find.
- The N-1 Law
More quotations on: [ Murphy's Laws ] ***
If you really need an officer in a hurry, take a nap.
- Murphy's Eighth Military Law
More quotations on: [ Military ] [ Murphy's Laws ] ***
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.
- Cannon's Law
More quotations on: [ Work ] [ Boss ] ***
If you wait, it will go away.
- Hellrung's Law
More quotations on: [ Murphy's Laws ] [ Patience ] ***
If your sergeant can see you, so can the enemy.
- Murphy's Sixth Military Law
More quotations on: [ Military ] [ Murphy's Laws ] ***
If, when completion of a design is imminent, field dimensions are finally supplied as they actually are, instead of as they were meant to be, it is always simpler to start over from scratch.
- Fyfe's Third Law of Revision
More quotations on: [ Murphy's Laws ] ***
In a social situation, the most difficult thing to do is usually the right thing to do.
- Meyers Law
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In any collection of data, the figure most obviously correct, beyond all need of checking, is the mistake.
- Finagle's Third Law
More quotations on: [ Science ] [ Murphy's Laws ] [ Mistake ] ***
In approaching a double door, you will always go to the one door that is locked, pull when you should have pushed, and push when the sign says pull.
- Ehre's Double-Door Law
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In simple cases, presenting one obvious right way versus one obvious wrong way, it is often wiser to choose the wrong way so as to expedite subsequent revision.
- Fyfe's First Law of Revision - Corollary I
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Incoming fire has the right of way.
- Murphy's Fourth Military Law
More quotations on: [ Military ] [ Murphy's Laws ] ***
Information necessitating a change of design will be conveyed to the designer after and only after the design is complete. (Often called the 'Now They Tell Us' Law)
- Fyfe's First Law of Revision
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Inside every small problem is a large problem struggling to get out.
- Second Law of Blissful Ignorance
More quotations on: [ Murphy's Laws ] [ Problem ] ***
It ain't necessarily so.
- Gershwin's Law
More quotations on: [ Murphy's Laws ] [ Reality ] ***
It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take Hofstadter's Law into account.
- Hofstadter's Law
More quotations on: [ Murphy's Laws ] [ Time ] ***
It is better for civilization to be going down the drain than to be coming up it.
- Allen's Law of Civilization
More quotations on: [ Murphy's Laws ] [ Civilization ] ***
It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.
- Murphy's Second Corollary
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It is usually impractical to worry beforehand about interferences -- if you have none, someone will make one for you.
- Fyfe's Third Law of Revision - Corollary I
More quotations on: [ Murphy's Laws ] ***
It works better if you plug it in.
- Sattinger's Law
More quotations on: [ Murphy's Laws ] [ Electricity ] ***
Justice always prevails ... three times out of seven.
- Alley's Axiom
More quotations on: [ Murphy's Laws ] [ Justice ] ***
Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
- Murphy's First Corollary
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Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.
- Manley's Maxim
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Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value.
- Murphy's Constant
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Murphy was an optimist.
- O'Toole's Commentary
More quotations on: [ Murphy's Laws ] [ Optimism ] ***
Murphy's law was not propounded by Murphy, but by another man with the same name.
- Law of Murphy's Law
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Negative expectations yield negative results.
Positive expectations yield negative results.
- Non-Reciprocal Law of Expectations
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Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.
- Hanlon's Razor
More quotations on: [ Murphy's Laws ] [ Stupidity ] [ Evil ] ***
Never eat at a place called Mom's.
Never play cards with a man named Doc.
And never lie down with a woman who's got more troubles than you.
- Algren's Precepts
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Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than you are.
- Murphy's First Military Law
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Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.
- Hartley's Second Law
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Never worry about the bullet with your name on it. Instead, worry about shrapnel addressed to 'occupant'.
- Murphy's Tenth Military Law
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No amount of genius can overcome a preoccupation with detail.
- Levy's Eighth Law
More quotations on: [ Murphy's Laws ] [ Genius ] ***
No books are lost by loaning except those you particularly wanted to keep.
- Fourteenth Corollary of Atwood's General Law of Dynamic Negative
More quotations on: [ Murphy's Laws ] [ Book ] ***
No experiment is reproducible.
- Wyszowski's Law
More quotations on: [ Science ] [ Murphy's Laws ] ***
No matter what the experiment's result, there will always be someone eager to: (a) misinterpret it. (b) fake it. or (c) believe it supports his own pet theory.
- Finagle's Second Law
More quotations on: [ Science ] [ Murphy's Laws ] ***
No matter which direction you start it's always against the wind coming back.
- Andrews's Canoeing Postulate
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No matter which way you ride, it's uphill and against the wind.
- First Law of Bicycling
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No project was ever completed on time and within budget.
- Cheops Law
More quotations on: [ Work ] ***
Nobody notices when things go right.
- Zimmerman's Law of Complaints
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Nothing is so good that somebody, somewhere will not hate it.
- Pohl's Law
More quotations on: [ Murphy's Laws ] [ Goodness ] [ Hate ] ***
On the way to the corner, any dropped tool will first strike your toes.
- Corollary to Anthony's Law of the Workshop
***
Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it only makes it worse.
- Finagle's Fourth Law
More quotations on: [ Science ] [ Murphy's Laws ] ***
Once you open a can of worms, the only way to recan them is to use a bigger can.
- Zymurgy's First Law of Systems Dynamics
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Only God can make a truly random selection.
- Levy's Ninth Law
More quotations on: [ Murphy's Laws ] [ God ] ***
Only useless documentation transcends the first two laws.
- Arnold's Third Law of Documentation
***
Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune moment.
- Ducharme's Precept
More quotations on: [ Murphy's Laws ] [ Opportunity ] ***
People are always available for work in the past tense.
- Zymurgy's Law of Volunteer Labour
More quotations on: [ Work ] [ Murphy's Laws ] ***
Power tends to corrupt; absolute power corrupts absolutely.
- Acton's Law
More quotations on: [ Murphy's Laws ] [ Power ] ***
Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capabilities of the programmer who must maintain it.
- Laws of Computer Programming, VII
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Progress is made on alternate Fridays.
- Weinberg's First Law
More quotations on: [ Murphy's Laws ] [ Progress ] ***
Push something hard enough and it will fall over.
- Fudd's First Law
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Shredded cabbage goes great with shredded carrots and mayonnaise.
- Cole's Law
More quotations on: [ Food ] [ Murphy's Laws ] ***
Smile, tomorrow will be worse.
- The Murphy Philosophy
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Social innovations tend to the level of minimum tolerable well being.
- Albrecht's Law
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Spend sufficient time confirming the need and the need will disappear.
- Ed's Fifth Rule of Procrastination
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Technology don't transfer.
- Stenton's Law
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The army with the smartest dress uniform will lose.
- Murphy's Fifth Military Law
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The best shots are generally attempted through the lens cap.
- The Second Law of Photography
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The best shots happen immediately after the last frame is exposed.
- The First Law of Photography
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The chance of the bread falling with the butter side down is directly proportional to the value of the carpet.
- Jennings' Corollary to the Law of Selective Gravity
More quotations on: [ Science ] [ Murphy's Laws ] ***
The first pull on the cord ALWAYS sends the drapes in the wrong direction.
- Boyle's Other Law
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The legibility of a copy is inversely proportional to its importance.
- Murphy's Law of Copiers
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The limits of the possible can only be defined by going beyond them into the
impossible.
- Clarke's Second Law
More quotations on: [ Science ] [ Murphy's Laws ] [ Impossible ] ***
The longer you wait in line, the greater the likelihood that you are in the wrong line.
- The Queue Principal
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The more innocuous the modification appears to be, the further its influence will extend and the more the design will have to be redrawn.
- Fyfe's Second Law of Revision
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The more studying you did for the exam, the less sure you are as to which answer they want.
- Second Law of Applied Terror
More quotations on: [ School ] [ Murphy's Laws ] [ College ] ***
The most dangerous thing in the combat zone is an officer with a map.
- Murphy's Third Military Law
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The most delicate component will be dropped.
- Rosenfield's Regret
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The most important leg of a three legged stool is the one that's missing.
- Lyall's Fundamental Observation
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The night before the English History mid-term, your biology instructor will assign 200 pages on planaria.
- Corollary to the Fourth Law of Applied Terror
More quotations on: [ School ] [ Murphy's Laws ] [ College ] ***
The only things that start on time are those that you're late for.
- Cayo's Law
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The other line moves faster.
- Etorre's Observation
More quotations on: [ Murphy's Laws ] [ Shopping ] ***
The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
- Hartley's First Law
More quotations on: [ Murphy's Laws ] [ Stupidity ] ***
The quartermaster has only two sizes, too large and too small.
- Murphy's Ninth Military Law
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The remaining work to finish in order to reach your goal increases as the deadline approaches.
- Bove's Theorem
More quotations on: [ Work ] [ Murphy's Laws ] ***
The shortest distance between two points is under construction.
- McGregor's Revised Maxim
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The strength of the turbulence is directly proportional to the temperature of your coffee.
- Gunter's Second Law of Air Travel
More quotations on: [ Murphy's Laws ] [ Airplane ] ***
The trouble with resisting temptation is it may never come your way again.
- Korman's Law
More quotations on: [ Murphy's Laws ] [ Temptation ] ***
The value of a program is proportional to the weight of its output.
- Laws of Computer Programming, VI
More quotations on: [ Computer ] [ Murphy's Laws ] ***
There are no answers, only cross references.
- Weiner's Law of Libraries
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There's always one more bug.
- Lubarsky's Law of Cybernetic Entomology
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Things get worse under pressure.
- Murphy's Law of Thermodynamics
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Those whose approval you seek the most give you the least.
- Approval Seeker's Law:
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Tolerances will accumulate unidirectionally toward maximum difficulty of assembly.
- Klipstein's Law
More quotations on: [ Murphy's Laws ] [ Technology ] ***
Trouble strikes in series of threes, but when working around the house the next job after a series of three is not the fourth job -- it's the start of a brand new series of three.
- Avery's Rule of Three
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Undetectable errors are infinite in variety, in contrast to detectable errors, which by definition are limited.
- Laws of Computer Programming, IX
More quotations on: [ Computer ] [ Murphy's Laws ] ***
Variables won't, constants aren't.
- Osborn's Law
More quotations on: [ Murphy's Laws ] [ Math ] ***
What you don't know will always hurt you.
- First Law of Blissful Ignorance
More quotations on: [ Knowledge ] ***
When a distinguished but elderly scientist states that something is possible, he is almost certainly right. When he states that something is impossible, he is very probably wrong.
- Clarke's First Law
More quotations on: [ Science ] [ Murphy's Laws ] [ Impossible ] ***
When eating an elephant, take one bite at a time.
- Abrams's Advice
***
When reviewing your notes before an exam, the most important will be illegible.
- First Law of Applied Terror
More quotations on: [ School ] [ Murphy's Laws ] [ College ] ***
When the plane you are on is late, the plane you want to transfer to is on time.
- The Airplane Law
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When there is a very long road upon which there is a one-way bridge placed at random, and there are only two cars on that road, it follows that: (1) the two cars are going in opposite directions, and (2) they will always meet at the bridge.
- Murphy's Law of the Open Road
More quotations on: [ Driving ] [ Murphy's Laws ] ***
When travelling down the freeway, the first bug to hit a clean windshield will always land directly in front of the driver's face.
- Quigley's Law of Highway Driving
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When working on a project, if you put away a tool that you're certain you're finished with, you will need it instantly.
- Law of Annoyance
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When working toward the solution of a problem, it always helps if you know the answer.
Corollary: Provided, of course, that you know there is a problem.
- Rule of Accuracy
More quotations on: [ Murphy's Laws ] [ Problem ] ***
When working toward the solution of a problem, it always helps if you know the answer.
- Rule of Accuracy
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When you are served a meal aboard an aircraft, the aircraft will encounter turbulence.
- Gunter's First Law of Air Travel
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When you need to knock on wood is when you realize that the world is composed of vinyl, naugahyde and aluminum.
- Flugg's Law
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Whenever a system becomes completely defined, someone discovers something which either abolishes the system or expands it beyond recognition.
- Brooke's Law
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You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you Can't Fool Mom.
- Captain Penny's Law
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You cannot successfully determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter.
- Perversity of Nature Law
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