Rodney Dangerfield Quotes - Famous Quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
Born: 1921-11-22
Died: 2004-10-05
Rodney Dangerfield Biography
Everyone gets their rough day. No one gets a free ride. Today so far, I had a good day. I got a dial tone.
- Rodney Dangerfield
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I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.
- Rodney Dangerfield
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I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back.
- Rodney Dangerfield
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I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.
- Rodney Dangerfield
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I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
- Rodney Dangerfield
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In the school I went to, they asked a kid to prove the law of gravity and he threw the teacher out of the window.
- Rodney Dangerfield
More quotations on: [ Science ] [ School ] ***
Life is just a bowl of pits.
- Rodney Dangerfield
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My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
- Rodney Dangerfield, monologue
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My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap....He was in the electric chair.
- Rodney Dangerfield
More quotations on: [ Family ] ***
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
- Rodney Dangerfield
More quotations on: [ Marriage ] ***
My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
- Rodney Dangerfield
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My wife was afraid of the dark...then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light.
- Rodney Dangerfield
More quotations on: [ Appearance ] ***
When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
- Rodney Dangerfield
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With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.
- Rodney Dangerfield
More quotations on: [ Marriage ] ***
Yeah, I know I'm ugly...I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'
- Rodney Dangerfield
More quotations on: [ Appearance ] ***
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