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Erma Bombeck Quotes - Famous Quotes by Erma Bombeck


Born: 1927-02-21
Died: 1996-04-22

Erma Bombeck Biography

... it's simply wrong to always order kids to stop that fighting. There are times when one child is simply defending his rights and damned well should be fighting.
- Erma Bombeck
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A child develops individuality long before he develops taste. I have seen my kid straggle into the kitchen in the morning with outfits that need only one accessory an empty gin bottle.
- Erma Bombeck
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A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.
- Erma Bombeck
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Anybody who watches three games of football in a row should be declared brain dead.
- Erma Bombeck
More quotations on: [ Sports ] [ Football ]
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Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.
- Erma Bombeck
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Great dreams... never even get out of the box. It takes an uncommon amount of guts to put your dreams on the line, to hold them up and say, "How good or how bad am I?" That's where courage comes in.
- Erma Bombeck
More quotations on: [ Courage ]
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I am not a glutton - I am an explorer of food.
- Erma Bombeck
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I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.
- Erma Bombeck
More quotations on: [ Food ]
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I do not participate in any sport with ambulances at the bottom of a hill.
- Erma Bombeck
More quotations on: [ Sports ]
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I told you I was sick. (On her tombstone)
- Erma Bombeck
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If a man watches three football games in a row he should be declared legally dead.
- Erma Bombeck
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If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it.
- Erma Bombeck
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In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.
- Erma Bombeck
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It is fast approaching the point where I don't want to elect anyone stupid enough to want the job. (on the US presidency)
- Erma Bombeck
More quotations on: [ Political ] [ Government ]
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My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
- Erma Bombeck
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Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
- Erma Bombeck
More quotations on: [ Medical ]
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Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
- Erma Bombeck
More quotations on: [ Children ] [ Driving ]
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One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child's name and how old he or she is.
- Erma Bombeck
More quotations on: [ Children ]
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Parenting is a negative thing. Keep your children from killing themselves, or anyone else, and hope for the best.
- Erma Bombeck
***
People are always asking couples whose marriage has endured at least a quarter of a century for their secret for success. Actually, it is no secret at all. I am a forgiving woman. Long ago, I forgave my husband for not being Paul Newman.
- Erma Bombeck
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Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.
- Erma Bombeck
***
The art of never making a mistake is crucial to motherhood. To be effective and to gain the respect she needs to function, a other must have her children believe she has never engaged in sex, never made a bad decision, never caused her own mother a moment's anxiety, and was never a child.
- Erma Bombeck
***
There are people who put their dreams in a little box and say, 'Yes, I've got dreams, of course I've got dreams.' Then they put the box away and bring it out once in awhile to look in it, and yep, they're still there. These are great dreams, but they never even get out of the box. It takes an uncommon amount of guts to put your dreams on the line, to hold them up and say, 'How good or how bad am I' That's where courage comes in.
- Erma Bombeck
***
There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.
- Erma Bombeck
More quotations on: [ Christmas ]
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We've got a generation now who were born with semiequality. They don't know how it was before, so they think, this isn't too bad. We're working. We have our attache' cases and our three piece suits. I get very disgusted with the younger generation of women. We had a torch to pass, and they are just sitting there. They don't realize it can be taken away. Things are going to have to get worse before they join in fighting the battle.
- Erma Bombeck
***
When humor goes, there goes civilization.
- Erma Bombeck
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When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, "I used everything you gave me".
- Erma Bombeck
***
You hear a lot of dialogue on the death of the American family. Families aren't dying. They're merging into big conglomerates.
- Erma Bombeck
***

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