Lewis Black Quotes - Famous Quotes by Lewis Black
Born: 1948-08-30
Died: 0000-00-00
Lewis Black Biography
Behind me, I heard a young woman of 25 say, "If it weren’t for my horse, I wouldn’t have spent that year in college." Now, I'm gonna repeat that, because it bears repeating. "If it weren't for my horse..." as in, giddyup, giddyup, let's go — "I wouldn't have spent that year in college," which is a degree-granting institution. Don't think about that too long, or BLOOD will shoot out your NOSE!
- Lewis Black
More quotations on: [ College ] ***
But those aren't the flavors. That'd make too much sense. Apple and pear, according to Dr. Phil, are body types the bars are made for. Hey, I've got some advice. If you look like an apple or a pear, eat an apple or a pear! [On Dr. Phil's energy bars]
- Lewis Black
More quotations on: [ Food ] ***
Candy Corn is the only candy in the history of America that's never been advertised. And there's a reason. All of the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911.
- Lewis Black
More quotations on: [ Food ] ***
I do have certain feelings. My feeling is that whoever is in charge, I want him out. (on his political views)
- Lewis Black
More quotations on: [ Political ] ***
In my lifetime, we've gone from Eisenhower to George W. Bush. We've gone from John F. Kennedy to Al Gore. If this is evolution, I believe that in 12 years, we'll be voting for plants.
- Lewis Black
More quotations on: [ Political ] ***
Let's face it, Americans are fat all year round, but the holidays are when we really hit our stride. And you can bet the food we eat will be just as unhealthy as the families we're forced to visit.
- Lewis Black
More quotations on: [ Fat ] ***
MTV is to music as KFC is to chicken!
- Lewis Black
More quotations on: [ Music ] ***
The last person to get across that town in under three hours was yelling "The British are coming! The British are coming!" [On Boston traffic]
- Lewis Black
More quotations on: [ Driving ] ***
The Republicans are the party of bad ideas. The Democrats are the party of no ideas.
- Lewis Black
More quotations on: [ Political ] ***
There are two things I know about life... Only the good die young but the real jerks will live forever.
- Lewis Black, "Black on Broadway" (2004)
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Turns out we've all been eating the wrong thing...since the dawn of civilization! [On the Atkins Diet]
- Lewis Black
More quotations on: [ Health ] ***
You don't want another Enron? Here's your law: If a company, can't explain, in ONE SENTENCE....what it does....it's illegal.
- Lewis Black
More quotations on: [ Business ] ***
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