George Burns Quotes - Famous Quotes by George Burns
Born: 1896-01-20
Died: 1996-03-09
George Burns Biography
A good sermon should have a good beginning and a good ending, and they should be as close together as possible.
- George Burns
More quotations on: [ Preacher ] ***
Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
- George Burns
More quotations on: [ Acting ] ***
Actually, it only takes one drink to get me loaded. Trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or fourteenth.
- George Burns
More quotations on: [ Drinking ] ***
Age to me means nothing. I can't get old; I'm working. I was old when I was twenty-one and out of work. As long as you're working, you stay young. When I'm in front of an audience, all that love and vitality sweeps over me and I forget my age.
- George Burns
More quotations on: [ Old Age ] ***
At my age flowers scare me.
- George Burns
More quotations on: [ Old Age ] ***
Be quick to learn and wise to know.
- George Burns
More quotations on: [ Wisdom ] ***
Bridge is a game that separates the men from the boys. It also separates husbands and wives.
- George Burns
More quotations on: [ Marriage ] ***
By the time you're eighty years old you've learned everything. You only have to remember it.
- George Burns
More quotations on: [ Memory ] [ Learning ] ***
Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house.
- George Burns
More quotations on: [ Marriage ] ***
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
- George Burns
More quotations on: [ Money ] ***
Everyday happiness means getting up in the morning, and you can't wait to finish your breakfast. You can't wait to do your exercises. You can't wait to put on your clothes. You can't wait to get out -- and you can't wait to come home, because the soup is hot.
- George Burns
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First of all you've got to have talent. And then you've got to marry her like I did.
- George Burns
More quotations on: [ Talent ] ***
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
- George Burns
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For thirty years my act consisted of one joke. And then she died.
- George Burns
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Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
- George Burns
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I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.
- George Burns
More quotations on: [ Old Age ] ***
I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it.
- George Burns
More quotations on: [ History ] ***
I don't believe in dying. It's been done. I'm working on a new exit. Besides, I can't die now— I'm booked. I can't afford to die— I'd lose too much money.
- George Burns
More quotations on: [ Death ] ***
I get a standing ovation jaust standing.
- George Burns
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I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.
- George Burns
More quotations on: [ Success ] [ Failure ] ***
I love to sing, and I love to drink scotch. Most people would rather hear me drink scotch.
- George Burns
More quotations on: [ Music ] ***
I smoke 10 to 15 cigars a day, at my age I have to hold on to something.
- George Burns
More quotations on: [ Smoking ] ***
I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.
- George Burns
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I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
- George Burns
More quotations on: [ Marriage ] ***
I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age.
- George Burns
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I'd rather be a failure at something I enjoy than a success at something I hate.
- George Burns
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I'm going to stay in show business until I'm the last one left.
- George Burns
More quotations on: [ Entertainment ] [ Old Age ] ***
If it's a good script I'll do it. And if it's a bad script, and they pay me enough, I'll do it.
- George Burns
More quotations on: [ Movie ] [ Acting ] ***
If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age.
- George Burns
More quotations on: [ Old Age ] ***
Look to the future, because that is where you'll spend the rest of your life.
- George Burns
More quotations on: [ Future ] ***
Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.
- George Burns
More quotations on: [ Old Age ] ***
No snowflake in an avalanche ever feels responsible.
- George Burns
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Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read.
- George Burns
More quotations on: [ Old Age ] ***
Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.
- George Burns
More quotations on: [ Retirement ] ***
Say "Goodnight" Gracie.
- George Burns
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Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.
- George Burns
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The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning anf a good ending; and have the two as close together as possible.
- George Burns
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Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.
- George Burns
More quotations on: [ Opinion ] ***
We often think the way Gracie talks, but we pride ourselves that we never talk the way Gracie thinks.
- George Burns
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When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.
- George Burns
More quotations on: [ Old Age ] ***
When I was young I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then and I'm labeled senile. (Just you and me Kid - 1979)
- George Burns
More quotations on: [ Old Age ] ***
When Jack Benny has a party, you not only bring your own scotch, you bring your own rocks.
- George Burns
More quotations on: [ Jack Benny ] ***
You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.
- George Burns
More quotations on: [ Old Age ] ***
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