Fred Allen Quotes - Famous Quotes by Fred Allen
Born: 1894-05-31
Died: 1956-03-17
Fred Allen Biography
(Jack) Benny's so cheap he wouldn't give you the parsley off his fish.
- Fred Allen
More quotations on: [ Jack Benny ] ***
A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
- Fred Allen
More quotations on: [ Fame ] ***
A conference is a gathering of important people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done.
- Fred Allen
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A gentleman never strikes a lady with his hat on.
- Fred Allen
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A molehill man is a pseudo-busy executive who comes to work at 9 am and finds a molehill on his desk. He has until 5 p.m. to make this molehill into a mountain. An accomplished molehill man will often have his mountain finished before lunch.
- Fred Allen
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Advertising is 85% confusion and 15% commission.
- Fred Allen
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An actor's success has the life expectancy of a small boy about to look into a gas tank with a lighted match.
- Fred Allen
More quotations on: [ Acting ] ***
An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.
- Fred Allen
More quotations on: [ Advertising ] ***
An associate producer is the only guy in Hollywood who will associate with a producer.
- Fred Allen
More quotations on: [ Hollywood ] ***
An income tax form is like a laundry list -- either way you lose your shirt.
- Fred Allen
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Batten, Barton, Durstine and Osborne - sounds like a trunk falling down a flight of stairs.
- Fred Allen
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California is a nice place to live - if you happen to be an Orange. (Dec 1945, American Magazine)
- Fred Allen
More quotations on: [ California ] ***
Committee - a group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done.
- Fred Allen
More quotations on: [ Committee ] ***
Do we really deserve top billing?
- Fred Allen
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During the Samuel Johnson days they had big men enjoying small talk; today we have small men enjoying big talk.
- Fred Allen
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Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.
- Fred Allen
More quotations on: [ Talent ] ***
Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.
- Fred Allen
More quotations on: [ Puns ] ***
He dreamed he was eating shredded wheat and woke up to find the matress half gone.
- Fred Allen
More quotations on: [ Dream ] ***
Her hat is a creation that will never go out of style; it will just look ridiculous year after year.
- Fred Allen
More quotations on: [ Hat ] ***
Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for a star.
- Fred Allen
More quotations on: [ Hollywood ] ***
I always have trouble remembering three things: faces, names, and - I can't remember what the third thing is.
- Fred Allen
More quotations on: [ Memory ] ***
I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.
- Fred Allen
More quotations on: [ Book ] ***
I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap.
- Fred Allen
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I don't want to own anything that won't fit into my coffin.
- Fred Allen
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I have just returned from Boston. It is the only thing to do if you find yourself up there.
- Fred Allen
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If the grass is greener in the other fellow's yard - let him worry about cutting it.
- Fred Allen
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Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
- Fred Allen
More quotations on: [ Television ] ***
My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense.
- Fred Allen
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My hometown was so dull that one time the tide went out and never came back.
- Fred Allen
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Radio is a bag of mediocrity where little men with carbon minds wallow in sluice of their own making.
- Fred Allen
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Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.
- Fred Allen
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Television is a new medium. It's called a medium because nothing is well-done.
- Fred Allen
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Television is the triumph of machine over people.
- Fred Allen
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The last time I saw him he was walking down Lover's Lane holding his own hand.
- Fred Allen
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The vice-president of an advertising agency is a bit of executive fungus that forms on a desk that has been exposed to conference.
- Fred Allen
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What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement?
- Fred Allen
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You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a firefly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart.
- Fred Allen
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